covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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