Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
