I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Boobs speak an international language.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
