There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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