dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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