You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
