alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
