Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
