mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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