The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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