It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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