Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
