kristin has been a bad kristin
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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