I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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