you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
