whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i think i just lost a toe
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
