don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
