last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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