Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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