I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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