You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I am one with the molecules
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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