i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
