You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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