Can i not drive my cunt home
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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