He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
