Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
