NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
