Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
