So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
