he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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