Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
