K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
