Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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