I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
