i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
