I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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