I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
