She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
