my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
