youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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