she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
