Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
