We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
