this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
