I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
