I think im going to throw up on grandma
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
