I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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