I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
