Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize
