Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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