I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
