Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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