her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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